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Opiumd'sMove Forward June, 2009 organizerNever feel so bad, experiencing a terrible day. i failed an exam which should be 70 even 80 scored. i've come to another bottle neck, how can i make it through this time. kick my ass April, 2009 Apr 24, 25nice to have these 2 days, though they are not that peaceful.
take some time to be here, which has been planed for quite a long. no time to live my life, only rush my time.
i don't know if it is still move forward like what i imaged. plan always changes, but i have to have plan, get driver license, maybe learn some Spanish if possible, then the very important one is the spend years preparing CEIBS.
anyway, above these, save my job, make it well done.
ok, it is time to go sleep, i do not work today definitely. take a break.
log on Apr 24, 25 January, 2009 I choose ***it is boring so that I see “the family man” for the Nth time. still love Cage’s performance. i can even remember most of the script. whereas when the most outstanding words “i choose us” show up again, a very different understanding of the moive come out. For Kate, undoubtful she want an peaceful, happy life. but for Jack, that is just a glimpse. he is trying a totally different life only if he is on the ohter one option long time ago. so whether a successful business man or a successful family man, he had a chance to experience them both. then how about Jason? even Jack feel regret. it seems that a good question faced now. no certain answer, no restart. November, 2008 Congratulations to GrubbyCongratulations to Grubby.
I missed the live of Grand Final Moon vs Grubby. It seems that I was not that interested in the game. Actually, war3 is a little bit farther from me.
But, when I saw the news, Grubby won the game, I feel it is extremely unbelievable. Since 2002 I started to learn from his replay, he has been my spirit support. 6 years later, when I ignore his power to win the top war3er title, he presented me a big surprise. what an exciting news.
That is the power of dream. A creative ORC with boiling blood, never give up, he can win the world. So do I.
For the horde!
My future is ours! November, 2008 11.06lock my space. stop upate. it has been several months passed in a glace. as an old staff of Rinpak, i am familar most of the work process. some guy even thought i was in more than 1 year ago. whatever, the key issue puzzled me is when the passion is almost gone, what will support me to fight. am i worried about my job? my quota? my salary? my customer's satisfication? my family? my firends? my CEIBS plan? even the relationship or ethe conomic crisis? i'd say none. but why do i become feel uneasy? i don't know. i must correct my attitude. it is likely because of less pressure. anyway, i must turn back to the Jason who can gain other's praise. September, 2008 Long time no updateThat is quite a long time i didnt come here. i became lazy, negative, confused, worried... currently, i am in hard relationship, dangerous relationship, past relationship, while i just be kicked out of one which i desired the most. it is time to pick up the courage move on to CEIBS and future. August, 2008 lostI lost my parker pen yesterday. That is not a big issue, but i have to say for around 9years I really don't lost anything. That means, I made a unacceptable mistake. no turning back, never. life is always a one way to go. August, 2008 2007/07/08-2008/08/18That is a long time to come across, so is the time I didn't post my space. 13 months, I don't know what I was doing. The fact is I met a treasure, I lost it, because I haven't tried hard enough. I will say, nothing happened should be regretted. But, I can't stop being upset. I don't feel good, even though i am ready for any result. Pray her a nice life time, without me. I change words I showed, which won't come again. Leave me alone. It will take long this time. May, 2008 0521hold the fire.
first goal take good care of myself.
one day when i satisfy with myself, it is time to move on.
oppotunities provide to the guys who are ready to take it over. May, 2008 essential featurebe patient, be brave, be motivative, be clam, be smart, be serious.
live earthquake. May, 2008 spring comesi think i may meet a bright future. but how should i handle the pace? i am searching for it, but no reply yet. God bless.
the pursuit poccess will never come to the end, knowing a porsche girl as the same age made me aware that. wanna be better, then work harder. that is the only way for me. April, 2008 confusingthat was a dreamalike day. actually, i thought it was the last dinner. i bet it was the nervousest time i ever go through. i cant stay clam. i even felt i was shaking.
things gonna be a little change, the result seems not to be that bad. maybe...maybe... it is too tired to guess. but i dont mean to quit. i may hold, pursuit.
i must get dizzy with success. have a stable pace! be smart. i dont want to lose anyway.
a piece of happiness in mind. March, 2008 080318i have sth to say, anyway, i am really disappointed with my proformance. waiting for this day, i stayed in nervous for such a long time even sleepless. why? why!!! i am so afraid of lost, lost a chance. indeed, it is better than i showed last time, but far far from need. what should i do? nevertheless, i think i may go on. clam down first. March, 2008 08.03.09recently, things happened. almost the whole life is gonna change. February, 2008 A dreamI had a dream.
a dream wasnt reasonable at all.
go out of a strange apartment which my families and i lived in, my father drove me in a mini van down the street.
the time seems to be long long ago, but dad had been ill like he is at present. he could not use his right hand and foot. he drove too fast, i worry if we may catch an accident. so i was asking him slow down over and over again.
he told me shouldnt worry at all.
he talk to me as he use to. that familar. i could nt stop exciting inside. it has heen 2 years, we have no more fluent conversation. i tried to say sth more, in that case, i may enjoy this more.
my dad and i come to a building which looks like a amusement park called **** city(i forgot it when i woke up ). we step into the hall, the instruction showed on the wall. the general idea is one may have changes to re-experience a life form where he want to, but no insurance of turning to the reality. our scenes of the life display by the pics 2 sides of the tunnel. some of them were given in the form of a comparison between the one in reality and the one happen if another choice we made.
dad had a glace on them with a big smile, showing that there no regret to him. but i can taste his upset.
it was become more and more crowd, harder and harder to follow dad's step. i shouted to slow him without his reply even turn around. i speeded up, trying to catch so as to hold him. i was afraid to lost him if he suddenly disappear after choosing some point to relife. there may be no change to see him again. too mant guys around, too many. i struggled. "dad!~~~dad!" stay with me! i am not going to lost you. i...i...i waked up.
lost may scare me much. dont let it happen to me. February, 2008 080209have no idea what should be a beginning, therefore, i fully understand why parents always told me never leave things to do in the next day. because you may lose many details, and things may mess up.
i may write down first what happened the most recently. yesterday i walk around in chapter mall, i noticed a familar face, that girl passed me in a hurry. brain storm blow in less than 2s, i bet. zhoujiyuan? i turned around focusing on the foot step, trying to have a comfirmation, oh god, she is. then...nothing else, i didnt find a reason to stop her to say sth. whatever, the whole process took 20s around. i walked on, with the picture in mind, what if... that is bullshit. regret is the most useless in the world.
it seems that all my friends in changchun live comfort life, great dress, even a car, and they satisfied themselves with the situation. there is of course another what if, what if i come back to changchun, i have several apartments, a car, maybe a job and gf... hehe, what i am thinking, i abandon all of these in shanghai live a life in the poorest level. why? i believe there are sth i want. also, in changchun i must have sth i refuse to accept.
it's just a spring festival, several days, but i feel it's quite long, boring even worse. i realise that i dont have that many firends, though i do have some, they all have their own business, they have new friends and gonna have a new family. what i should do is leave me alone, i can use the time learn sth more. as i mentioned just now, different skills bmust needed for different life sytle.
so, i recall one more thing to record. about apply to the MBA of CEIBS. that is must the tough task in coming days. i wanna change the way to live, it is essential. 1 out of 4 can be qualified. there also are transcript in college as well as 2 recommendations, after that an english interview is also hard to me. in spite of all, start with gmat.
the condition of the family is just not bad. dad turns better these days, the relationship is not so terrible that i must worry all the time. just the opposite they worry me a lot, especially dad. i do understand that. what i care about is whether i should buy a apartment or not in 2008, it must be a good chance, but i prefer to paying the MBA fee first. decision should make before it have to.
i am now full of anger with laocai, damn it, where my salary and bonus. i have budget deficit. shit!
ZLP a big puzzle, how can i make it? job-hopping is unavoidable. god show me sth, thx.
in the evening of the year, mushroom cloud disappeared when the end of the fireworks:) amazing.
thanks Mr and Mrs Songyue, i evaded the ticket back to changchun, the key is if i didnt come back, it's definitely there is no coming back. bless them a nice holiday and i happy life. December, 2007 End of 2007this early morning, when i got the drunk body onto the bed, i shouted, will be i 26 soon? it's 2008 very soon.
i was scared by the horrible reality. so much pressure on me, i disappoint with me still being a punk.
life seems not as hard as i thought, but sometimes over burdened.
face the gloomy future, i stand helpless tears. at least, there has been already an untouchable goal to pursuit in the coming days.
leave the idealism behind. concentrate
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